The Chutes and Ladders of Life

Holy smokes!  Has it really been three weeks since my last post?!  Sheesh!

Well folks, there's tons o' catching up to do, so I might as well start of with our ever fabulous NYC meetup last week.  After much planning and anticipation, I had the sincere pleasure of meeting up with my online pals:  Giao, Jes, Yvonne, Hope, Kathleen, and Dawn.  Though the trip was fabulous and glorious in every way, I must admit that I had a TERRIBLE time leaving Hank and the kidlets behind.  The night before departing, I didn't get a wink of sleep, and I kept second guessing myself with thoughts of, "Should I really be doing this?!" and "How can I leave my kids?" and most importantly, "OhmyGod, Hank is going to be in charge of the kids' wardrobes for three days.  THREE. WHOLE. DAYS."*  (Moms out there, I see you nodding your heads at this.) 

Anyway, our trip was wonderful, splendiferous, and I must say that A LOT of shopping was done.  My fellow craftsquaders were so kind, vibrant, energetic, and so darn creative!  I felt immediately at ease with them, and it was so fun to meet these folk after knowing their online persona for a while now.  I look forward to our next meetup.  For a more details, read Kathleen's post!  Or Hope's!  Or Jes'. Or Yvonne's.

*****
Upon returning to reality, my life quickly resorted to the daily up and down excitement of raising three kidlets.  It's funny in a way, because I've realized that my life kinda represents a game of Chutes and Ladders.  Here take a peek, won't you?

I find that each day is a race to avoid the mishaps, the drama,  the chutes of life that send me sliding down that slippery slope of  CHAOS.  I also find myself yearning for the thriling climb, the ascension to the end of a successful day.  These are the ladders of my day.

Yesterday was the perfect example of the chutes outweighing the ladders. 

1.  Ladder -- the day started off calm and peaceful.  The kids woke up happy and healthy.  The sky was blue and the air crisp.  Our closets were full of clean (and folded!) clothes.  A perfect Monday morning.

2.  Chute - The kids and I take our time getting ready for the day.  We eat breakfast and giggle at Kate's smiles.  We have so much fun together that we end up running short of time -- it's suddenly a mad rush to get everyone out the door.  A ladder disguised as a small chute, I suppose.  Nothing too dramatic.

3.  Ladder -- After dropping Alison and Henry off at school, Kate and I hang out.  I fold three loads of laundry, and package up some orders.  I even have time to check e-mail!  Life is good!

4.  Ladder (again!) -- Kate naps, and I sneak in a couple TiVo'd episodes of Laguna Beach while packaging up some wholesale orders.  I learn that I have family visiting from Hawaii!  Exciting stuff!

5.  Chute -- Henry's doctor's office calls to inform me that he's no longer on our insurance plan.  So the 4K hospital bill will be OURS TO KEEP.  Fricken grand.  Big Henry is listed, but little Henry is not.  Lovely. 

6.  The Grand Finale Chute -- The director of Henry's school calls.
Director:  "Hi Leslie....This is Laurie from Henry's school.  Henry is fine.  He isn't hurt--"
Me:  (eagerly) "---yes!?"
Director:  "Um....he filled his pants real bad.  Could you come and bring him a change of clothes?"
Me:  (Thinking to me self) Oh lawd! Great!  Desperate Housewives is just about to start! (kidding folks!  I didn't really think that.  No really. I didn't)   

Minutes later, I arrive at Henry's school and I find him on the playground.  I have a change of clothes, and a travel pack of wipes.  Thinking this will be an easy cleanup, I head off to the kids' bathroom with Henry and Kate in tow.

Imagine this will ya?  Kate is in her stroller right outside the stall.  Henry and I try our best to squeeze and squish into the mini stall (remember this is preschool).  I strip down his pants. . . .

********Now of you're a poopaphobe, now would be a good time to avert your eyes.********

. . . and the gooiest, softest, runniest poo is smeared up and down Henry's legs (imagine half-cooked brownies hot out of the oven). Secretly, I was hoping for a congealed, lump o' poo that could be easily plucked from the undies and plopped into the toilet.  I actually imagined myself busting out of the bathroom stall like a proud cowgirl leaving the saloon.  I'd sidle up to the teachers, tip my hat, and say, "Have a good one, ladies!" A trail of dust would follow as I stroll off of the playground, and only whispers of "Man!  Did you see her clean up that poo?  She's amazing that mama!" would remain.

But no. I struggled.  I sweat.  I think I even cursed under my breath.  Yeah, it was THAT bad.

After plowing through my supply of wipes, I resorted to the badass stuff:  paper towels.  And not of your Brawny variety.  I'm talking sandpaper rough public restroom stuff.  Yeah, those.  I wiped him dry.  Nothing.  I doused the paper towels with cold water.  Hot water.  And nothing!  The poo stayed.

Meanwhile I hear kids outside saying, "Hey teacher, that lady has been in the bathroom the whole recess!!!"  At one point, Henry started to cry when I wiped too hard and he lurched forward, bumping his head against the stall door.  The director came running in, alarmed at the shrilly cries (at this point Kate had started bawling too).  And there I was on my knees wiping poo off of Henry's feet.  Yeah.  One big fricken suckass chute.

What a chute-y day, huh?

Actually, by the end, when I had the kidlets tucked in their warm beds, it was still a good day afterall.  And today has been filled only with ladders.  Yay for ladders!

********
On The Paper Princess front.  I have a few new goodies for you folks.  New gift tags which are super perfect for the upcoming holidays!  New Japanese craft books!  And finally a new card design (design swiped from one of my Illustration Friday contributions).  Fun stuff guys!  And blog readers. . . get this. . .TWO BUCK SHIPPING to any U.S. addy.  Simply enter "I read Rubber-Sol" in the special notes section of checkout, and I'll refund the shipping difference pronto! :)  Take advantage of the cheapy, cheap shipping as this offer will expire on Halloween! 

Okay folks!  I think I'll close here!  Have a great week!  And hey, just for kicks, what were the chutes and ladders of your day?

* I often joke with Hank that he needs fashion assistance via Garanimals.

Comments

[Hank]

An interesting addendum to the tale. Midway through my fourth period class on Monday, my cell phone rings. My understanding class quiets for a moment as I try to decode the ranting of a crazy woman on the other end. It went something like this:

Lady: Guess whose crap-filled pants I just cleaned?!!?
Me: Who is this?
Lady: Indecipherable.
Me (Recognizing the dulcet tones of my true love): Leslie, is that you?
Leslie: Sound of phone being banged against car dashboard.
Me: So it is you. How are you doing?
Leslie: I just got called to Henry's school to change his pants, and it was the absolute messiest thing you can imagine!
Me: Hmm.
Leslie: It was absolutely unbelieveable!!!
Me: Okay. I love you.

I'm not sure, but I think that made it all better.

[mo]

HILARIOUS! Oh, sometimes it feels good when you can really sympathize with someone about something, and then its ok sometimes not to have had that same poop all over the backs of the legs sort of memory in your own life! I love the "half baked brownie" descriptor- unbelievable! Seriously, thats funny!
And just to make you feel better, David actually thinks that the long knitted tights that look so cute under skirts and dresses can serve as pants. Nothing says cute like my amazon princess with all that long leg clad in tights with half a crack showing out the back and some mismatched too small t-shirt that used to belong to her brother. Pretty!

[Nicole]

Ohhh your trip sounds lovely. The pooh. Well I managed to stick (no pun intended) through and read the whole post. OOOH ICKY ICKY ICKY. Just when I was thinking "hmmmm maybe a kid would be ok"...I read something like this ;)

[Yvonne]

Why are poop stories always so funny? I'm so glad I was not standing in your shoes. I'm going to check your new goodies :o)

[Jesser]

So glad you're back!!!! Sorry about all the chutes in your days ... I guess they make the ladders that much more special though. :)

The new stuff looks great. I can't wait to check it out.

[Marie]

I enjoyed reading your post. It was hilarious! And I can relate to leaving the husband in charge of the kids' wardrobe. Loved Hank's addendum too! Your family will surely have fun memories to talk about later when the kids are older (or maybe not?). OK, I'm off to check your goodies now.

[hannah]

oh man leslie...im not ready!!! somehow i think eliot and collette have conspired to get us more ready by waking up in the middle of the night lately. what is up with that? we need to be banking as much sleep as possible right now as far as im concerned! poo is hillarious though, luckily for me since eliot is deathly afraid of pooing (because it hurts) his is usually of the rock solid variety. i kid you not, i have seen that kid walk out of his room to tell us he had an accident and it looked like he had a banana stuck in the back of his underpants!!! so glad you had fun on your trip, and very excited about the shop updates!! thanks for the shipping deal!

[Ky]

Welcome back! =)

[Giao]

Oh my goodness. That poop story is really something. You are such a super trooper, Leslie. REALLY.

And it's a joy to see your NYC pic up there. It takes me right back. I'm about to venture down to finally do my post.

[Marilyn]

You mean, in the middle of all of the cross-country traveling and jet-setting in NYC and poop clean-up you didn't have time to BLOG?! Good lord, woman, get your priorities in order, will ya?! You deserve a Mom of the Year Award for poop patrol alone...or at least a full day of pampering by your husband... :)

[violetismycolor]

wow, I slip by to check on you and you're having fabulous weekends in NY and wiping poo off babies...your life is like that game!

[justJENN]

No insurance for your second Kid?
RUDE.
Second kids really do get the shaft.

[myra]

Oh my that is some poop story! And the insurance bit really sucks.

[thesoulofhope]

What a great funny post (okay, funny for me reading it, but so funny for you being in that stall with henry and all the wipes I'm sure).

And our trip, I know during it I kept saying "If I miss my dog this much, I can NOT imagine what you are feeling missing those 3 adorable kids!" , which in hindsight probably made it worse for you already missing them, but I am SO glad you came and I got to meet you - it was a wonderful trip!

[thesoulofhope]

I love Hank's addendum - what a sweetie!!

[Kathleen]

I'm so sorry to hear about all of these "chutes"... we need more ladders! Your new products look very sweet... I'm off to check them out! :)

[jenny vorwaller]

yes! welcome back! i have seen lots of yur trip (adn you!) over at flickr-what fun you all had!

this post is so funny, the chutes and ladders thing is just so clever...

[Melissa]

Glad to see you back, your NYC trip sounds like it was super fun. Darn those insurance companies, they always try to screw you! Good job handling the whole poo situation - you truly are "an amazing mama"!

[Nurse Cox]

Looks like my timing with that case o' wipes was spectacular! Thanks for the warm brownie analogy...helps with the carb cutting!

[dawn]

Leslie, your poop story was great! To read, anyway. So many great details.
It was really great meeting you here in NYC. I hope you had a good time.

[jes]

gooey, gross and hilarious all in one fell swoop! LOL

PS...can't wait till the next meetup!
pss...I keep forgetting to tell Hank that we have nothing to spar over anymore...no more Yankees, no more Sox. Me so sad ):

[jill]

You have the best sense of humor for a mom of THREE!! Always finding the lighter side of all events... I love that!! Poor little guy. (and you too)

It sure has been fun hearing all about the NYC trip, it really looked like fun!

[susanne]

this is one entertaining post, i'm sorry that it was at your's and henry's expense though. snaps that you didn't end up crying along with everyone!

three weeks nuthin'! try a month and a half, oy! the trip sounded awesome, how you guys packed all that you did into 3 days is amazing.

[alexis]

Ha! That story is absolutely priceless. I could totally picture you in the stall. Whew, it's stories like those that actually make me glad the girls are grown up.

Love the new products in the store nd the gret pics from NYC!

[joy madison]

I love you leslie! So so so my day, without the kids leaving....ever!!!!!

tee hee!

I *heart* your new cards so hard! Jon and I "met" on the internet, so its perfect for us....I think I'll have to buy some:)