Driving (Me Crazy) with Mum & Dad

I just got home from a fancy dinner/baby shower at The Grove in L.A. As usual, I was running late leaving home, and by the time I picked up my parents I knew I had to speed to the restaurant. Now speeding with your parents as passengers isn’t highly rated. In fact, for sanity's sake, it’s not recommended at all.

Here’s a rundown of this evening’s mystic journey. * *

5:04 p.m. (Dinner reservations were at 5 p.m.)
I’m speeding up Fairfax with my mum in the passenger seat, Allie Cat strapped in her carseat, and my dad strategically placed in the back-back seat of the van.

Mum: “Just stay in the right lane.....”
Dad: “Eh! Get in the left lane...quickly now”
Mum: “It should be up here on the right.....”

5:10 p.m.
Mum: “There’s 18th Street......the restaurant is off of 3rd Street.....”
Dad: “So what are they having?”
Leslie: “What?”
Mum: “There’s 16th Street......”
Dad: “Oh a boy? Did you say a boy?”
Mum: “14th Street......What?”
Dad: “So they don’t know what they’re having, huh?”
Mum: (exasperated) “A girl.......”
Dad: “What’s his name going to be?”
Mum: (sigh) “A girrrl..I said a girrrl! Ay, your dad, I swear.”

5:15 p.m.
Mum: “Oh there’s 6th Street....we’re getting close now!”
Dad: “........It should be coming up soon. I think we’re getting close now.”
Mum: “I JUST said that....”
Dad: “Huh?”
Leslie: “Nothing dad....where do I go?”
Dad: “Turn left here...”
Mum: “Stay on your right side.....”

5:26 p.m. After parking the car, we’re roaming around the maze that is The Grove. Eventually, we get help from “Bobby the Toy Soldier” in front of FAO Schwartz. He points the way to Maggiano’s, and we’re off.
Dad: “We shudda parked valet.....that’s what I was saying....valet...”
Mum: “And look...there’s parking right here too.....”
Leslie: “Sorry...I guess this was all my fault.”
Mum: “Next time you should listen to us.....”
Dad: "Yep..that's right...she shudda listened to us, huh dahling?"

* *NOTE: For those who do not know my dad, he’s kinda.....um.....kinda hard of hearing (sorry dad). And my mum? She’s grown immune to his off-beat input; in fact, most of the time just they have parallel conversations. So you can just imagine what kind of confusion exists over their dinner table at night.

Comments

[Shaun]

It's too bad you couldn't describe Dad's mumble or Mum's eye-rolling look; some things cannot be captured by the written word.∞

[mum]

Not! I don't roll my eyes...it would get stuck if I did that.

You're wrong also about the parallel conversations. Dad has conversations with and by himself. And, he even has fun doing that. (I can say that since I have been married to the same man for 38, going on 39 years.)

The shower was fine. Fun was had by all.