{Rubber-Sol: Why, hello there!}

The Sock Debacle

They're E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E in my house. Under the couch, under the bed, on the kitchen floor, in the car, outside on the lawn, tucked in corners here and there. Sometimes they even make their way into my purse! Yes, my purse! They're homeless nomads those socks are. View Cocktail Party

I mean, what's a girl to do? I dutifully do my laundry, and those darn socks never match up, especially those belonging to the littlest members of our family. First off, Henry's socks rarely stay on his feet, and we're usually left with a single sock without a soul (sole!) mate. So that doesn't help matters. Oftentimes strangers at the mall will approach our stroller and say, "Excuse me ma'm....you dropped this," while handing over one of Henry's socks or shoes.

I read this book once upon a time, and the author suggested buying kids' socks in only one color, preferably white. That way, no matter what, the socks will have a mate. Well, no matter what never happened at our household. We still have an ENTIRE laundry basket filled with oddly matched single socks. It's like a cocktail party for socks in there; large, burly socks mingle with sweet, demure pink socks; teeny, baby socks frolick with sensible, white cotton socks. I have delusional hopes that one day these socks will be reunited with its pair, and sometimes (miraculously) they do! Meanwhile, I can't bring myself to just chuck the whole basket.

Sometimes, while sorting the laundry, I get so desperate and I force the socks to match. Many a moment, my husband has been sighted wearing navy socks with black ones. I just shrug my shoulders. I mean, this is a tough job this sock-matching.

Every day it's a sock debacle at my house.

Punch Card Hell

After reading Pauly D’s post, my mind started thinking about those darn cards. You know the ones. The cards that stores use to lure you and entice you into becoming a loyal customer. Yeah those.

Sometimes they have a cute little hole punch, like in the shape of a tiny heart or an ice cream cone. The cards usually read something like, “Get 10 (ten) punches and receive a FREE __________ (fill in the blank)!” I can proudly sho w you my wallet; it’s stuffed with those cards. Let’s take a peek, shall we?

I have:

3 (yes three!) Subway Cards (each partially filled)
2 Popcorn Palace Cards (again, each semi-filled)
1 Famous Footwear Card
1 Geoffrey Beene (when the hell did I shop there?)
2 2nd Street Beauty Cards
1 Garden Botanika Card (this store went bankrupt a few years ago)
1 Teacher’s Resource Card
1 (expired) Border’s Teacher Card
1 Smile Saver’s Card from Sears PhotoStudio
1 Stone Cold Creamery Card
1 AMC Moviewatchers Card
1 Regal Theater “Gold Club” Card
2 Sally’s Beauty Supply Cards
2 Creative Cakery Cards

Okay this is getting sick. You get the point. No wonder my damn purse is so heavy.

Anyway, I carry these cards in the hopes that I will get something free one day. As mentioned, I don’t know when the heck I actually shopped at Geoffrey Beene, nor do I know when I will again. But I still carry around the damn card, like some pseudo-loyal customer. Because I just know that the one time, THE ONE TIME that I don’t carry it. . .I’ll shop there. And then I won’t receive my punches, propelling me towards the freebie world.

Other stores are clever and they have a total monetary value that they would like you to spend in order to receive your free item/discount etc. Usually these cards have numbers dotting the perimeter of the card, and usually the sale's clerk punches the amount that you spend. Let it be noted, though, that the cashier always, always informs you that "No, tax doesn't count towards your punches, Ma'm!" And then she usually smiles in a passive aggressive sorta way.

What really sucks is when I carry around SEVERAL cards, each mockingly displaying a few punches/stamps, from the SAME company. Usually I dream about combining the punches to equate to one full card, but the equation usually ends up something like this:

Sally’s Beauty Supply Card #1: total purchases $25.00
Sally’s Beauty Supply Card #2: total purchases $36.00

If the friendly people at Sally’s would allow me to combine the total amount of each card, I would have $61.00, right? That would safely put me OVER ($11 to be exact) the $50 target for 10% off of my next purchase. But then I run into another dilemma:

What happens to the residual $11.00? Will they apply it to another card? Or do I just lose that credit? If that’s the case, I might as well keep the two cards active, right? I tell you, those card people just don’t play fair.

Sent to the Principal's Office

Grrrrrrrrrr.........

Today, like a child, I was sent to the principal's office. Similar to the Miranda Law, I was informed at the onset of the meeting that I could have a Union Representative present with me during this meeting.

"Everything you say can and may be used against you . . . ."

So the story goes.

It's pitiful that so much energy is put into insignificant things. People are more concerned about their ego bruising than protecting the well being of a child.

Party's Over

Sooo tomorrow marks the first day of the second trimester. If I had an ordinary desk job, I could actually muster up the energy and desire to go to work because I'm sure that I could somehow ease back into the swing of things. But when you're confronted with a classroom full of moronic-looking 8th graders, you really can't wing things too well. I mean, they're just as grouchy as I am and yet I'll be the only idiot in the room pretending to be thrilled to return to the world of teaching. Sometimes I'd rather just say, "Kids. . .let's just pop in a video and ease into the trimester, shall we?"

Actually, I think I have a copy of The Outsiders movie in my classroom as we speak. Hmmmmmmm. Tempting

Bah Humbug!

Santa's elves must have been chuckling with revenge when they wrote the following on toy labels.

1. Batteries not included
2. WARNING! Choking Hazard!
3. Some assembly required
4. Adult supervision a must!
5. Contains many small parts
6. Do not eat
7. E-Z instructions!
8. Eyes may detach and pose a choking hazard
9. If product causes vomiting, itching skin or rash, contact pediatrician immediately.
10. Accesories shown are not at all included.
11. Item may or may not contain product displayed on box

I mean those elves must know that our little ones will always want their toys in working condition RIGHT NOW! I mean who really wants to run out to RiteAid on Xmas morning for 5 AAA batteries? And who would have imagined that one would need a screwdriver simply to remove the toy car from its box? And why does Mattel always sew Barbie's hair into the box? Don't they know an eager toddler will be jumping frantically at my feet awaiting his/her new toy?

Bah Humbug I say!

Someone Turn Me OFF!

I'm sitting here wishing that someone could turn me OFF; you know, like hit THIS SWITCH or something. This holiday season has me going berserk, and I think I'm quickly morphing into some clinically insane woman! Shopping is only partially done, and the Christmas Cards (yes, those Christmas cards) are almost ready for shipping. Until then, I'll be ON until the new year or until I simply pass out in the mall.