Goodnight Daddy

As a little girl, I always enjoyed the evenings, because my dad and I had a goodnight ritual.  Every night after brushing my teeth, my dad would come to my room to tuck me in.  I’d climb into my captain’s loft-style bed, and my dad would tuck the sheets under me tightly, wrapping me up like a burrito.  Most of the time I’d giggle and squirm in attempts to wiggle myself loose, and my dad, of course, would have to repeat the tucking.  He’d always feign annoyance, but I always knew that he, too, was grateful for these few extra seconds of time together.

But the most memorable part of our goodnight ritual was when he’d lift my head, and fan my long hair out upon my pillow.  The coolness of the pillow against the warmth of my skin was always such comforting surprise.  It was my dad’s trademark touch, like icing on a cake or the cherry on top.

Shortly thereafter, he’d kiss me on the forehead, and turn off the light.  From my bedroom, he’d make his way to the den, a room adjacent to mine.  Most of the time, the light from the den would shine into the hallway, and the shadows and noise would keep me entertained on the evenings when I wasn’t quite ready to fall asleep.  I found much comfort in hearing the low strumming of my dad’s guitar or the sounds of Johnny Carson emanating from the t.v. 

This evening ritual stopped sometime before middle school, I’m sure.  By that time I’m certain I was a self-obsessed teenager who, like most kids, was trying to shed herself of her parents.  These years were spent gabbing on the phone with friends, and the distance between my parents and I widened.  Wasn’t that true for most teenagers?  On most nights quick hugs and obligatory kisses were given before retiring for the night.

But still.  No matter how old I got, I always enjoyed listening to my dad’s music spilling into my room at night.  His music was like an evening serenade, smooth and comforting.  Years passed.  College life, dorm life, and finally married life.  And still yet.  Still when the evenings rolled around, I found myself yearning for my dad’s evening serenade.  And oftentimes I longed for our old evening ritual.

One week ago I watched as my dad slipped away.  I held his hand while he passed, and for one last time, we relived our evening ritual.  In his last moments, I tucked the pillow softly under his head, smoothed his hair down, and kissed him on the forehead before he fell into his final slumber. 

Comments

[kat]

So sorry to hear about your loss, Leslie. Losing someone is never easy, but I'm so glad that you were able to be there for him. It's the most any of us can wish for.

[amanda]

Leslie, I am so very sorry for the loss of your father. I wish you much peace and comfort as you heal. These are some beautiful words you've written about him. xoxo.

[crazycatladyMel]

Leslie:
I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad left me just 3 months ago and it's still not quite real. We have good memories to hold onto though, yes? I'm glad you were with him.

[Donna]

Big hugs to you and your family. I'm so sorry!

[jesser]

Oh my. This is beautiful. I'm all teary-eyed. So sorry for your loss, but it seems you have no regrets, just wonderful memories.

[Lilie]

So sorry to hear of the passing of your father. Your writing is beautiful and brought me tears. With time it will get easier.

[Kristy]

How lovely that you got to say goodnight but so sad that you had to.xxx

[hannah]

oh leslie, i am so glad you could repeat such a loving ritual with your dad. hugs and prayers my friend.

[sally]

Big hugs to you Leslie. What beautiful memories of your father that you will hold on forever. I'm so grateful you were there to tuck him in one last time. Thinking of you + your family.

[moki]

what a lovely post! So sorry

[roxy]

This is a beautiful remembrance. I'll keep you close in my thoughts and prayers.

Much love.

[Giao]

Leslie, I am so very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute to your dad. I'm crying with you. You've been in my thoughts for the past few weeks. Hugs to you, sweetie.

[Yvonne]

This is such a sad news! I know how you feel and sometimes I still wish my dad could read to me at night and tuck me in, it never goes away and that's the beauty of being a good parent! I wish you and yours lots of love.

[Debbie]

Leslie, that was so incredibly beautiful. Let those wonderful memories be your strength. I'm sure your father was very proud of you. My thoughts are with you. xxx

[London Southern Belle]

Leslie, this is a beautiful peice of writing. I shall think of you during this time. Sending lots of love to you all the way from England.

amanda x

[Melissa]

Leslie, I won't claim to know what you're feeling right now, but know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[myra]

Leslie, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful tribute to your Dad.

[Ali]

So, so sorry for your loss. But what wonderful memories of your father.

[jenny]

leslie, i wish i could give you a big hug...you couldn't have written a more beautiful passage about him. xoxo

[Amanda]

My deepest condolences to you. I hope you're doing ok. What a beautiful remembrance of your father, of the long-lasting effects that one person's small actions can produce on another.

[Elaine]

Dear Leslie,
My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Such beautiful memories. I hope you find comfort in them now and always.

[Chara Michele]

So sorry for your loss... Very beautiful memories of your father though.

[joy]

I'm so sorry leslie!!! I love your words. I'm glad you got to be with him.

[geek+nerd]

I'm so sorry for your loss! Your post is such a lovely tribute - it's obvious that you had a special relationship, how fortunate that you could be with him in his last moments.

[Leslie]

What a sweet remembrance! I'm sorry for your loss.